I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU BEHIND

10 August 2023

Last week was breastfeeding week and whilst I’m pro breastfeeding I do cringe a little when I hear ‘breast is best’. The GP in me advocates strongly for the benefits for both mom and baby. The mother/human in me has worked quite hard for the past 3 years to be able to openly admit it wasn’t for me.

I didn’t know that neither of my children would pop out and just latch, or wouldn’t have enough facial muscle strength to suck, or that nipple shields would affect my supply.

I didn’t know I would develop anxiety about feeding my low birth weight child. I kept being told she needs more calories and so I fixated on every little drop.

I resisted formula topups thinking that I could pump to give her all the calories she needed. I pumped day and night every 3 hours for 3 months non stop in addition to trying to latch and feed.

The act of feeding was a circus that doing it in public made me more anxious. Also my daughter figured out how to rip off the nipple shield and often it would land on the floor halfway through a feed.

For months I held onto the belief that it was something my daughter and I could learn together. We had all the help we could get from lactation consultants who were incredibly helpful. But I kept being told it will get better one day. That day never came. I wanted to no longer feel that I was inferior and not able to give my baby what she needed.

Our journey wasn’t perfect but it’s part of the story of us. I am still incredibly pro breastfeeding to every mom that comes through my door. I will sit with you, talk through it, help you position the baby, involve skilled lactation consultants. BUT I will never try to override a mom’s struggle with breastfeeding by simply stating it will get better one day. That ONE day may never come and I refuse to take for granted my journey and what it taught me. We are all walking together in this journey of motherhood and I will not to leave you behind.

PFA - This morning the girls vigorously taking notes about all the things I tell them to do! I WISH!